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Often times in life, we come across a point where we need to decide to trust or not to trust someone. Like many things, this is also a matter that settles with both mind and heart. 

I remember my boss, who used to ask me about a professional decision after all the facts and figures have been gone over, asking me “And what does your gut feeling says about it?” and I would very honestly tell him what my gut feeling said.

Ever experienced being with people whom you don’t know or people you are not really related to or close to…. situations that are tricky to judge and need an action…. what do you do? 

If your heart and mind contradict, like mine do usually, doesn’t your “gut” speak to you?

Mine does! but I seldom listen to it. 

Trusting someone is becoming non existent to me. I always had issues cause there is always a “possibility”, but I deliberately take chances on people. And all there is, is a finest line of “being a complete trustworthy person or a total jerk” that people should not cross. Of all people my yoga instructor, who I thought was a “friend”, crosses that line leaving me totally cross. 😦

Makes me think, What exactly is trust? I guess an amalgamation of reliability, sincerity and truthfulness that gives you a kind of comfort which leaves behind all the buffering you create around you so as to “not get hurt”. You let down your walls. You fall without a parachute. You aim the gun to your heart and pull the trigger. You do it to you… you hurt yourself. Feels like, you are sent on a rocket!

I, trusted the wrong kinds with my emotions and deep secrets so many times it is not even funny anymore. This has been a vicious cycle for me. It goes like this;

  • I don’t trust anyone, leads to
  •  being apparent as a vulnerable “prey”, leads to
  •  the “wrong kinds” getting attracted, leads to
  •  their visibly “genuine” concern for you, leads to
  •  me buying their shit, leads to 
  • them ending up trying to treat me like shit leads to
  •  me realizing that “once AGAIN”, I was wrong…. and start building my walls again…. each time stronger than before for another stupid person to break it. and f*ck it all for me.

And this, like many other things in life, will continue to happen, UNLESS the lesson is learnt.

Moral of the story is, you should learn to be able to keep people in their stupid bubbles, cause thats where they are happy and thats all they can take.  They have their own lives in crisis, how can they be a help to you at all when they seek help for themselves or they should for that matter… On top, they are being exploited and singled out by people they trust the most… who are totally taking advantage of their situation…so, they can’t act up on what they say and can’t own up to their own words… like asking me to talk it ALL out with them and when I did, they would ask to go google your problems??!!!

And if I am buying this shit then this shit will continue to happen to me.

Right now, I am admitting with great sorrow and failure that I can’t judge people at all. I think this world is a dreamland and candies are for free instead its a jungle and wild animals roam around at loose.

Since, I am in no position to take decisions of any kind I should submit the right to decide for me to someone whose judgement I can trust. That someone is none other than the one responsible to bring me in this world. Mom.

To the “MAD’s” world: If someone’s behavior is peculiar around you, if the response is as simple as a yes or no and there is all else but it, if there is a long pause, longer than usual, if it’s not straight on, if someone feels an electric current (not rush :P) being next to you, if it instantly is pleasant and positive but goes soar later or totally opposite to what it initially was, if someone tells you something and wants to keep it a secret from a third mutual “friend”………….. EXIT STAGE LEFT. RUN RUN RUN as fast as you can. These shady businesses will only get shadier and shadier.

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