It takes a  lifetime to learn a lesson properly. We all, through different mediums, learn our lessons to keep the boat of life on a ‘smooth sail’. 

And then comes a life which teaches you lessons which need an unlearning of a lesson learnt, and surprisingly enough even to your own self, you ‘unlearn’ to learn the ‘new’, as everyday presents itself with the ‘latest’. The more strongly you believe in a lesson learnt, the harder and more painful it is to let go of that learning and replace it with the ‘top up’ version…

In your everyday life, through times as such, you find yourself changing in ways you never thought you would… and the more you leave yourself to the tides, the stranger it becomes… the stranger it is, the more it requires for you to adjust… the more you adjust the more you alter yourself….sadly enough, the more you alter yourself  the more you lose your identity, yourself.

What I learned was who I am and what I sometimes need to forget is myself, just to get by a certain situation… It becomes tough being someone you are not and then finding yourself again… It requires a lot of solitary time to get over the ‘coming in’ and ‘going out’ of your own mindset into the mindset of others …I see me in that situation from a distance and a silent scream within me calls for me, “THAT IS NOT ME!!”

 The scariest thought that I have is that what if one day, I won’t find myself again…

I am experiencing the same situation that someone once asked me, “what if I lose myself? How should I keep the link with myself?” to which I replied the same that I am practicing these days, spending time with myself without interference till I feel good, till I feel “me” again.

But its painful finding one’s self in strange places and threatening situations, and retrieving from there…

What I’ve learned is, what I said and thought at that time was ‘easier said than done’ and yes, probably the chances of losing one’s identity are very high.

The question is, How will I save myself? What will become of me?


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