Original writing: 10/6/2011 5:54

So, here is how the story goes…Sure as hell it is interesting!

There were moments of magic, there were things that no one could comprehend and then there was a Big, FAT blob of confusion.

Confusions, confusions and more confusions….

A little bit naive, A little too dreamy eyed and A gamer! those are the roles him (the alcoholic pervert), me and the girl (any girl) played respectively.

It all happened for the last time  (apparently)…

People kept telling how inappropriate this is! that it is never going to happen. Well, if only it was happening for the first time, Anyone could be fooled…but so many times ??????? There has to be something wrong with me.

The first confusion was the “girl” … She clearly falls in the category of the “bitch” kind, for the way she has been with her stupid commitment issues…

The second confusion lies with the guy… who is not strong enough to confront manipulation…

The third confusion is me…. Why do I believe in him being true to me whereas all he ever did was “run to her” when she calls him back….then she smacks him down, he comes to me, she calls him back, he goes back and the vicious cycle goes on and on and on…

We need to stop this! No one is cheap enough to let this happen for so long …

How to stop it?

  1. The guy needs to make a decision for life and stick with it wholeheartedly… she will play him always, that is a fact he should see. He either has to accept her as she is and compromise, keep up with her fights etc or whatever shit it is that she gives him cause sure as hell she won’t change. and the next time it happens, he will look for a way out of it again.
  2. She changes…becomes better…becomes all he wants and blah blah (not possible, this is her nature)
  3. I need to stop letting him in and out of my life like its a joke. Sure my feelings are there, but they are true too. And I don’t want him to never settle…cause as I see it, even if they get married he will never be settled, mentally or emotionally for more than a week. So, he should seek a permanent solution.
  4.  As for me, I need to get out of their screwed up relationship which may be leading to a bad marriage. I need to seek my bliss where no crazy chick will haunt my happiness…

The show goes on, with tears, heartbreak, and hurt… the show goes on… I tired for something which was risky and had a high probability of falling apart not even half way through(considering what he always did to me)… and sure as hell, it happened yet again! It is like she will always do what she does to him and he will always do what he does to me 😦 …she doesn’t REALLY love him, and he doesn’t REALLY love me.

That girl…. This guy…. I am sorry what do I have to do anything with any of them? Crazy chick, blind guy… She plays him he gets played… he gets back at her through me but… what am I paying for? This is wrong on so many levels 😦

I want to be out of this equation cause I am way too sensitive to bear it again and again and smart enough to know that I should save myself from this circus… where he is the item and she controls him with a leash…

Sadly, the equation will remain the same for them only I will be replaced with some other chick he will use to get back at her…

I can’t watch this anymore… I want to help him but It is jeopardizing my entire being… numb mind, crushed heart, lost soul 😦 It is too much to ask for only to bear another ‘walk out” on me AGAIN…. and sure as hell, he will be back to me (provided I stand my grounds)… but I know, he will walk out, not being able to stand up to her intricate web of schemes and plans….

See, when a person sees your weakness being your dignity, self respect and character, all they need is their gutter mouths to open to malign it, shame you, send you on a guilt trip and get you back on their track… thinking, “oh! that will set you just right!”

I, in my life, have stood up to many like these for myself and never let no one rule me… specially forcefully. I take no pressure from nobody and the only thing that fuels my stand is their opposition….the stronger they try to control me with their shenanigans the more stiffly I stand….and stand tall and by the grace of god, I survive! a true rebel 🙂

But not everyone can have that strong a will, can’t have that strong a trust on themselves, can’t have that strong a faith and belief and passion and to know their right and stick up to it!  No! it is not everyone’s cup of tea and I don’t expect that either… not everyone is the same…

so there, the easy way out is to get them to shut the fuck up and tell them “they rule” so the tsunami of gutter with their drain water can rest in peace…. Sure as hell, that will pamper and soothe their egos for the time being..knowing that “They won”!

Sure as hell, they didn’t..hehe

But having said all this, I need my peace of mind, heart and soul… I can’t let wrong being done and stay quiet about it. But since he is under her thumb, I can’t help him… don’t want his life getting miserable any more than it already is…

So, I have to look away and pretend nothing is wrong, there is music, hazy lights, trickling water fountains, nice warm blankets, hot cuppa tea, comfort food, smiles and laughter and everything is back to being ok again. Just the way it should be! 🙂 ….it’s called the art of living 🙂

Sure as hell, I’ll survive 🙂 I’ll be ok 🙂 hopefully.

True story!


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